


you could have it all, my empire of dirt; i will: a) let you down, b) make you hurt

by glassbones



Series: you can't see it with your eyes, hold it in your hands, this thing called love [4]
Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Angst, Buckle In My Dudes This Is Gonna Be A Fun Ride, Emotional Baggage, Everything Hurts, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, frederick is breaking down
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-15
Updated: 2015-03-28
Packaged: 2018-02-09 00:39:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1962354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glassbones/pseuds/glassbones
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Frederick, he decides, is the only constant thing in his life.<br/>"I love you," Hannibal says. "You're mine and I love you, always will, always have."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> title and the general sad vibe from johnny cash's 'hurt' (if listening to music while reading is your thing, here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o22eIJDtKho)

There is a thought in the back of Frederick's head that keeps slipping away from him.

Frederick thinks he forgot something important, something vital.

He stopped dreaming quite some time ago; stopped absent-mindedly smiling at nothing in particular; stopped humming a tune when doing chores (it's always been _You Are My Sunshine_ because Frederick had something of an obsession with Johnny Cash back in the days). As if a happier, better part of his life had been stripped away from him.

It doesn't hurt. Frederick isn't sure he's still capable of feeling emotional pain.

* * *

Hannibal talks to him about Will Graham; Frederick even manages to meet the man a few months later. Everything about Will Graham hurts him _physically:_  the way he avoids eye contact, the smell of Hannibal's perfume on his flannel shirt, the intensity of Hannibal's obsession with him.

Frederick leers in response, acts like the condescending asshole most people expect him to be: it has always been too easy to live down to others' expectations for him, it's what he does.

It makes Frederick want to cry, makes him want to yell at Hannibal until he explains what is it in Will Graham that Hannibal couldn't find in Frederick. He doesn't. He _cannot_.

* * *

He watches their life unwind before him, helpless and incapable of changing anything.

He sees Hannibal become a stranger as opposed to the person Frederick was so used to coming home to.

The voice inside his head screams, and screams, and _screams_ , an incessant prayer for all of it to stop.

* * *

* * *

It continues like that for a little while longer until one day Hannibal returns home to find Frederick crying in between the fridge and the kitchen island.

It makes something break inside Hannibal to see Frederick hurting. To know that _Hannibal_ hurt Frederick. There isn't a promise he's able to keep.

He's surprised when Frederick doesn't flinch away from him. Hannibal holds the younger man for some time, and it pains him deeper than he would like to admit. It should be disgusting. Amusing. Interesting in the way Will's encephalitis is interesting. It isn't.

Frederick, he decides, is the only constant thing in his life.

His cheeks are wet by the time Frederick stops sobbing. They won't talk about it the way they don't talk about chain-shaped scars around Hannibal's neck or faded burn marks on Frederick's arms. It doesn't mean Hannibal is incapable of providing him comfort.

"I love you," he tells the fridge door. "You're mine and I _love_ you, always will, always have."

Frederick hugs him tighter instead of actually replying. It hurts in a good way.


	2. Chapter 2

When Frederick finally breaks; it's over something silly like the dishes Hannibal forgot to do or the toothpaste that he always leaves uncapped.

"Oh my fucking _god_ , what is wrong with you? What is wrong with _me_ actually, the fuck did I _do_ to deserve you? A psychopathic serial fucking _kil_ ler fucking boyfriend, ad what bothers me the most is that you forgot to do the _di_ shes, not the fact that you _kill_ people, oh my fucking god."

Frederick is hysterical and swears far too much but he doesn't care, there is long-repressed anger boiling in his throat and fear swelling in the front of his mind, screaming what have you done what have you done what have you fucking _done_ at him.

Hannibal just _stares_ , looks at Frederick coldly. It is frightening in its own way, not because Frederick is afraid he will do something unspeakable to him (he never will) but because it's the first time Hannibal looks at him without love, looks at him like he does at other people; and Hannibal isn't particularly fond of other people.

"You," he replies, steel in his voice, ice in his eyes, "had _every_ opportunity to walk away, to call the police, and yet you chose to _stay_. You are not being held against your will or manipulated into staying, even though we both know you could have been. Don't you _dare_ hold this against me."

"But I can't," Frederick laughs humourlessly. "You know I can't leave you, not for anything in the world I couldn't."

He imagines they can hear his heart shatter, shards beneath their feet, and it feel like his very soul is bleeding out onto the wooden floorboards.

"I love you," the  words are heavy on his tongue and they hang heavy in the thick air before dissolving in the silence that ensues. "I always will."

"I love you too," Hannibal steps closer and Frederick doesn't shiver but opens up willingly, every muscle in his body long since trained to focus on him, to soak in every gesture, every movement. His fists ball in Hannibal's shirt as he shuffles closer, breathing his perfume in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dicking around with phonetic styles and the ways i can reproduce different intonations on paper, sorry if it makes the fic less readable


End file.
